“If I were a tad better looking than this, I would have stood a better chance with him”
“If I were just a little smart, I would have achieved so much in my life” “If it wasn’t that I’m a sinner, I would have been acceptable by God” “If I hadn’t made those foolish mistakes when I was young, I would have gone far”
The mind is a powerful thing. It gets to know us the way we REALLY are! It gets to know the things we think and wish. The thoughts we will never share with anyone till we die: struggles that we would rather die with than spit out. Even when we keep a ‘game-face’, the mind knows the real deal.
Now, I don’t care if you were born and raised in the Buckingham Palace or you grew up finding yourself in the streets; everyone has the inside battle of ‘good enough’. People, things, circumstances, school and many other things simply make it easy for us to lie down in self-pity and wish we were good enough to have been something we seem unable to be.
It’s a default setting of the mind. The mind naturally believes that there must be a sense of ’worthiness’ before you can get the feeling of ‘somethingness’. That in itself is a very very good thing. The mind places the proper order of life before us: the need to work hard at something and then earn it.
However, the emotional nature of man creates a lot of complications for the mind. The mind sometimes gets overrun by, what I call, ‘emotional outbursts’ and these outbursts coerce the mind into making very sensitive judgments on a very sentimental base.
When we want something and others get it instead: when we worked hard to make relationships work but they fail and others seem to be fine, when the lady notices somebody else when we are working our lives out to be spotted and given a chance, when we are struggling with a bad habit that others are not (or do not seem to be) struggling with, when we have been learning to sing or play an instrument and we are not making a headway with while some others just seem to get it from the go, when we just do not seem to be ‘academically relevant’ and we already have the reputation of the low grader, when we have a very problematic family history and are financially behind everyone, …we begin to feel like we are not enough…not good enough, not deserving much, not capable of accomplishing much…and in this moment of heavy emotions, the mind believes the sentimental outburst and establishes it as a fact in our head that indeed, WE ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Am I going to lie to you and say that you are just good enough? NO! The truth is you are having some issues and you definitely will have to deal with them BUT it is NOT TRUE that you are NOT GOOD ENOUGH!! Who determines if you are not good enough? People who are as much imperfect? Situations that have only come to make you better? A boy or girl who cannot see your grace and worth in spite of your frailties? C’mon! Don’t let an emotional outburst shadow the shine that your life can and should have!
Let NO-thing make you ‘second grade’. You are a work in progress but don’t beat yourself up for being unique both in the good and in the bad.
Akinola Akindamola Daniel