Have you ever been in a situation where you had to do some things that you probably would never have done under normal circumstances? Like taking responsibility for your family at a very young age because of the death of your parent/s? Telling a lie to save a very dear friend or loved one? Daring to face a bully in school to put an end to his ‘reign’? Going out with a guy because nobody else was coming? Getting all As in your exams because daddy wouldn’t take anything less?…?
I honestly can go on and on but I believe that by now, you can connect to the gist already. This is not an issue of good or bad; here is an issue of ‘had to’.
At different delicate moments, we have taken a couple of life decisions based on ‘had to’. I was reading a friend’s article and he said, “you don’t have to do anything!” I almost could not finish his piece because I was stuck at that very line! I was asking myself “ so I do not have to do anything? ”. As I ruminated upon it, it opened up to me and it has been a big truth that has brought peace and steadiness into my life.
I ‘had to’ is our way of pushing responsibilities for our life away. What we fail to realize is that by doing that, we are also pushing away our grip on our life. We end up living 80 years without being a part of those years.
When anything happens not according to plan, we easily fall back on our “ I really didn’t want to do this; I just had to ”. We keep living our lives on other people, factors and happenings around us. We never learn how to think things through, make up our mind objectively, make a decision and SOLELY take responsibility for it.
Friend, you don’t have to succeed in your life, you don’t have to steal to help your sick sister, you don’t have to live up to the expectations of your friends and parents, you don’t have to put up with an abusive boyfriend or an uninterested girlfriend, you don’t have to buy that phone, you don’t have to be in vogue, you don’t have to be the best you can be, you don’t have to develop yourself. You don’t have to do or be anything.
You should rather, for yourself, first, see the need to do or be anything, ask yourself if you find worth and essence in it. If then, you are sure, pursue. That way you live life INTENTIONALLY. People and happenings don’t make your choices for you. You will find purpose and self-worth when you make your own choices and pursue your own goals head-on, even if sometimes you fail.
I know life situations can be very serious, sudden: they sometimes compel us to take the decisions they have made for us and sometimes there isn’t enough time for you to think for yourself but remember that you are always responsible for each and everything you do. So why don’t you just make sure that you really want to and not just had to.
Live life INTENTIONALLY and not by the wind. I love you and I believe you are better than this.
Akindamola Daniel Akinola