In absolute theory, it is a great thing- not to need anyone. Not to have to lean on anybody’s shoulder. To not have to call on anyone for help. When you are totally in charge of everything in your life and you are doing just perfectly fine without any ‘external’ input in your business…but in honest reality, it’s the peak of emptiness and deep spiritual wretchedness.
If you became immortal here on earth, remembering the fact of not dying will be more excruciating than the painful fear of death for the mortal. If you became totally satisfied having everything you needed and you never need anyone, your acquired total self-sufficiency will teach you that, actually, having a need, in itself, is a huge blessing.
I love to have always, never asking. I prefer to give always, never begging. It’s more like it when Im in charge, never having to call for help: when Im the centre of attention and people gravitate towards me…but if wishes were horses indeed.
I have been blessed with precious moments when I indeed was having, was giving, was in charge and was the cynosure of all eyes. Times when I was never asking, never begging, never having to call for help but those times were not forever. The turn of times came when I needed to do some asking, some begging,some identifying and acknowledging someone superior and some crying out for help…I didn’t take it so well.
I, instead started creating a fake reflection of myself. I felt too ‘big’ to say Im sorry, too ‘popular’ to be asking, too much of a ‘life coach’ to be calling for help myself. I started pretending that everything was alright when I was crumbling within. I kept a face of the ‘tough guy’ when I was weeping profusely within. I lost touch with that truth that life is an ‘us’ thing rather than a ‘me’ thing.
I thought it would belittle me to be on the receiving end not long after I was the teacher, to be learning from someone who was learning from me yesterday. I just didn’t understand that we all have pieces of the whole thing in our hands; that if I gave my piece and you gave yours, we will have this beautiful thing together called life.
So a lot of people are standing very nearby, wanting to reach out, wanting to hold your hands and pray WITH you and FOR you, real loving people who want to help you stand when you are fainting but you wont LET them. You would rather keep living a lie, pretending to be alright, never having a need…how much your life will be way easier when you understand that it’s not weakness to be open and honest: to be humble from deep in your spirit and be ready to LET people, who care, into the very deep parts of your life.
Enough of the face game friend. LET someone love you! Let someone reach you. Drop all the insecurities, pride, sour stories of the past, dissapointments. Open up and give yourself a chance at life.
It’s a daily battle. Let’s consciously together take it head-on everyday. No one can do this for you. It’s okay for you and I to need someone in our life.
Akinola Akindamola Daniel
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