If a man is always talking about his problem with this girl, and his quarrel with that other girl, you can say he has woman troubles. Or if a young man is finding it hard to settle down with a good wife, the older generation will say he is having woman problems. But be at peace, none of the above applies to me. I am perfectly fine with daughters of Zion. Of course getting to understand the way of the woman is not something you do in passing or read from book; you need to have hands on experience to be able to make quality decisions in the future. By experience, I mean everything good and virtuous in relating with the person of the opposite sex.
I remember one young lady with whom I had some interesting relations. We were not in a relationship per se, but we greatly admired each other, and still do. We find each other’s work inspiring and often bid each other Godspeed on the journey to maximizing our potential. In fact, we even served in the same NYSC camp – amazing young lady! But you know, like Solomon, the way of a man and a maid is not a straight line. There may be misunderstandings which is normal even in genuine friendly relations.
I remember we had a little argument, after which I decided to give her some distance as I didn’t want to ‘fall my hand.’ Within that period the young lady feel sick, and I didn’t visit. Of course, I called and texted and was just being a normal guy, but never really cared nor visited. I was just doing something, not going the extra mile.
One day at an NYSC Community Development Service (CDS) meeting, after we exchanged cordial pleasantries, she told me off, “how could you let a little argument cloud your judgment!”
Boy! I immediately came to my senses. You know how they say the woman is always right? That was my ‘aha’ moment. I learned first hand that a lady will do something to see your reaction; and you better not react. Some say you should, ‘respond’ not ‘react’. I say, neither react nor respond. Just take a chill pill, drive home to your boys, play some football and be nice to her the next day. Don’t take her angry remarks seriously. They still expect you to care even after they have dished you a mound of disapproving remarks.
Ego. That is what gives many of us away. We say, “Big boy like me! How will she tell me this rubbish? Who does she think she is?” Friend, reacting stupidly or matching her vituperation word of word, will be the very beginning of a series of explanations on your side. You will surely have plenty explanations to do.
So what do you do?
Calm down. If it is a chat message, don’t reply. Smile.
She’ll come back and say sorry, and let her explain much. Ladies love to pour their heart. Don’t be in a hurry to write it off. Let her explain why she said what she said, and later gently tell her how it made you feel, but that you understand she didn’t mean a word of it.
I have learned and apply this to my relationships with the opposite sex. You have to be the man, always. For you, for them! Don’t trip. Be calm, focused, and let your inner values guide you.
If you choose to let your emotions lead you, trust me you’ll come back apologizing when she moves on. Ladies don’t want a man who cannot take some pressure. When they give you some heart-wrenching blow, remember to smile, and give her some time to relax. She will come back, I promise. If she doesn’t, she wasn’t for you.
Hmm. I never expected I would one day give relationship advice. Please don’t take it seriously.
Oh, and I didn’t tell you, the next time she told me she was ill, I was the first to visit. I went all the way to her house. That was the opportunity to make it up to her, and I didn’t let that slip by.