What we need do is insulate ourselves from what we do not need
Very often I struggle with maintaining healthy relationships with people, for so many reasons, some of which I do not know. I so very often find my relationships with people, sort of, collapse. At a point it began to worry me and I started to ask myself questions.
At first, I easily blamed it on others. It always seemed to me that these people were at fault. Their “flaws” always seemed obvious to me and I would often wonder how they couldn’t see it the way I did see it.
But then I realized that it wasn’t always “their” fault, sometimes it was mine. I realized then that I wasn’t even near the “flawless” I must have assumed; that I have my own issues to deal with. When the relationships fail, I realize I must have played a very important role in it. This holds true most of the time.
Typically, when major differences begin to show between someone and me, Impulsively, I just tend to Isolate myself. Although it appears to be a safe option, it proves destructive as well. Some people interpret the action as being judgmental. I do not blame them one bit. I seem to hold too firmly to my “standards” that it seems anyone who doesn’t out rightly support it is against it – automatically!
But I’ve come to the realization that this is not so. Every person is unique and different. Differences are bound to exist. I have learned to be mature with such issues and even talk about it without being shy. As politely as possible I would tell a friend who is doing something I do not like that I do not. There shouldn’t be any much fuss about it. And at times, I might be the one doing the “irritating”. I readily accept to readjust so as to help make the other person more comfortable.
Now I am not saying there wouldn’t be conflicts, what I’m saying is that we do not have to become enemies. I have forfeited a lot of relationships that could have been profitable if I’d been a little more understanding.
There are various relationship levels and we need not all be “super-close”. There isn’t much benefit in pushing people away. What we need do is insulate ourselves from what we do not need. Isolation isn’t really the answer.
@folajo on Twitter.
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