So I love doing interviews, especially on matters that I’m interested in. I caught a friend, who is now married and with a baby, and decided to ask her for a few tips on the marriage matter. Here are some of the tips she gave me.
Me: How do you know a man loves you?
Her: He said it every day. He gave me room to be myself and space to shine and fly without the usual policing men do.
“Who was that?
Where were you? Why were you talking to him?
Bring your phone…bla bla bla” was never and is still not on the table.
I am accountable on my own and I do it freely without fear or intimidation.
Me: Well, I think for a woman, it is not much about loving a man; it is more about believing in him, enough to follow him or submit to him.
Her: I prefer follow, submit has been abused especially by “Christian” brothers.
I don’t trust my husband’s judgment 100 percent of the time for certain reasons but I try to follow him. But if it’s outright wrong or foolish at that time, sorry o. I won’t sit and be submissive while he drags both of us into wahala. He might want to relocate to the roof till he sees reasons with me his darling wife.
A woman will naturally follow a man she thinks loves her.
It’s the biblical order.
A woman can follow blindly if she trusts you
Man – love her
Woman – follow him
Me: What kind of man should a woman follow?
Her: I left Abuja to Uyo, resigned from my fantastically well-paying job where I had everything the world calls successful – vacation abroad, a car and all the orishirishi.
I got married and left it all, my husband did not have a car and I earned a bit above him then.
But you see in less than a year, God has honored me with all those things again through my husband. He just bought me a car for giving birth, we have a highly successful business together now, I can afford to travel anywhere I choose to….life is simply better.[However], not all guys are worth following, some guys need their brains checked. But if his potential is only by mouth, without any sign of working towards it, just heaps of promises, please tell the lady to run.
No lady can submit to a lazy man
Her: I married my husband because of his potential, but he was a hard worker. Some persons thought I was foolish back then. But I have low tolerance for shallow guys. They make my skin crawl.
Me: Lol. You’re a do something person.
Me: I shall o
Her: My mum gave me only one advice when I wanted to marry; she said “marry your friend.”
The best advice ever!
I took it, shunned wealth, handsomeness and fine boyism.
I married my friend, I married well.
You are a very happy woman
Her: Yes I am. God has given all that pertains to a good marriage to me.
Oga marry well
Her: Chai. Chisos
Me: Where are my friends o?
Her: Please #dontmarryher if she is just shallow
Don’t marry beauty; marry a woman that reasons on the same level with you, otherwise frustration will kill you.
If you can’t stand bad English, marry a woman that speaks queen English o
If you can’t stand a shy person, marry an outspoken person
Me: Since I love Bible nko?
Her: Don’t marry a lady that doesn’t o!
Recipe for disaster
She won’t understand when you crack a joke from the bible o
And in marriage, she will finish u with mouth over your love for the bible
No agreement, no walking together
Her: It’s a fundamental thing, most people overlook it but it’s a serious issue
I hate going to church without my husband, I feel we should both hear the same thing
“Hear the same thing.”
Her: Can’t be here and he is in Jericho!
Me: True true
Her: Ike, know your core values and if your core values don’t match hers #dontmarryher
Core values differ from person to person
Know yours and marry along that line
I am not the Holy Spirit, I really can’t change anyone
Her: Love is easier when you marry your type o. Trust me.
You can be a marriage counselor now o
Her: No no no
Me: At least for entry level. Those wishing to marry )
Her: You asked I answered.
I only give one advice- marry your friend. It’s the only way to survive the curved balls marriage throws at you.
Forever is a long time
Me: yes o
You don’t want one who will pull out at every instance of trouble
I want one who will be strong with me and encourage me on the journey
Me: You’ve been most helpful to me.
Thank you )
Her: You are welcome
Thank you too
Now because I am Oliver Twist, I decided to ask for more.
Even though it sounds easy, does it not sound cliché?
Does it mean I look for one of my female friends and marry them?
Or are there particular traits that show that such an one is a friend?
Maybe more tips : ) When you have a min.
Her: Well to marry your friend in my opinion, is to marry someone you can live with through tough times, someone you don’t have to pretend around, someone you are not afraid of being vulnerable before.
Someone you can love, love and love
Marry someone you can tell anything to.
You have friends but not all friends are on the same level
A friend you are not ashamed to let see the other unpackaged side of you. And who won’t judge you.
Me: You’re too much. God bless you.
Yes! What a great time with our special guest, sharing her experience with us. Thank you!